Joke time p. 310

A Turkish man has been extradited to the U.S. to face charges for three cyberattacks that resulted in $55 million in losses to the global financial system. He will most likely begin consulting for the FBI as part of a plea deal, which a cable network will probably base a very successful show off of … More Joke time p. 310

Joke time p. 309

The lawyer who led an unsuccessful fight to block a California school district from teaching yoga –¬†for promoting Hinduism and inhibiting Christianity¬†– says no appeal is planned. Once again, the Hindus have proven themselves to be untouchable in modern-day America.

Joke time p. 308

A cell tower on the roof of a Maine high school is undergoing tests after fish have started to inexplicably die in a science classroom. Authorities say the likelihood of an actual link is remote, and that it’s much more likely that “that weird Trevor kid is to blame.”

Joke time p. 307

Middle-of-the-pack GOP presidential candidate Ted Cruz’s team says that they’re now looking beyond Iowa and New Hampshire and towards a time when they have stable jobs with other employers.

Joke time p. 306

A new book claims that cinematic legend Orson Welles, of Citizen Kane fame, edited a 1975 lesbian porn film to fund his final film. The book doesn’t say if the porn’s final line was “rosebutt” – but can we all just agree to tell people it was?

Joke time p. 304

GOP presidential candidate Lindsey Graham has compared Hillary Clinton to North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un, but only in sense that they will both be running their respective countries for the next 8 years.

Joke time p. 303

A spokesperson for the Qatari government said that reports that over 1,000 workers have died on the construction sites for the 2022 World Cup are “altogether untrue.” He added, “they are slaves, not workers. Huge difference.”

Joke time p. 302

The group behind the SAT college entrance exam has made test preparation materials available for free. So as a benefit of doing well on your SAT because of your free test prep, you may be lucky enough to go $250,000 in debt.

Joke time p. 301

In an interview, Vince Vaughn said that he supports allowing guns in schools as a deterrent against mass shootings. “Banning guns is like banning forks in an attempt to stop making people fat,” bellowed the human Miller Lite can.