Joke time p. 182

While shopping at a bookstore yesterday, President Obama came across a new book critical of his presidency by Meet the Press host Chuck Todd and called the author “sad.” “Nailed it,” replied Chuck Todd’s red goatee.

Joke time p. 181

A judge has ordered Uber to stop operating in Las Vegas, which is notable because it’s the first time that a flashy upstart with deep pockets and a Euro-sounding name has been asked to actually leave the Strip.

Joke time p. 180

A police dog in an Oregon town has been fired for poor performance. Coworkers say he was sick of workin’ for the man and was always spoutin’ bout quittin’ anyways, but was worried bout fallin’ behind on his rent so he’d recently started majorly slackin’ off at the old J.O.B. in hopes he’d be fired … More Joke time p. 180

Joke time p. 179

Anarchists plotted to disrupt the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade in NYC today. But their plans were quickly foiled when they discovered that the only law they couldn’t destroy was the law of gravity.

Joke time p. 178

In an ill-conceived joke, a self-proclaimed comedian has been arrested for pointing a banana like a gun at two police officers. While most people would say this guy’s a hack for relying on a trite comedic device like a banana, I say he’s a hack for making a joke out of potassium.

Joke time p. 177

The FDA will announce long-delayed calorie labeling rules today. The new regulations will require establishments that sell prepared foods and have over 20 locations to post the caloric content of food on their menus. Which is good in theory, but we need to remember that Americans are really bad at math.

Joke time p. 176

Law enforcement in Ferguson says it’s prepared for anything and everything once a grand jury decision is announced today in the Michael Brown shooting. Prepared for anything and everything? Psssh. No one can truly prepare for the emotions that arrive with the announcement that Ty Pennington and the whole Extreme Makeover: Home Edition team have … More Joke time p. 176

Joke time p. 175

Government geologists think they’ve discovered the fault responsible for a massive 1872 quake that rattled seven Western states. And under heavy Republican pressure, they’ve officially dubbed it “Obama’s Fault”.

Joke time p. 174

College students across California are planning walkouts today to protest proposed tuition hikes in the UC system. Organizers say they would have done driveouts – but they all had to sell their cars to pay for school.

Joke time p. 173

A deer that ran inside an Indiana Wal-Mart died after being tased by security officers this week. The deer’s family released a statement which read “In no way did we expect this sort of thing at a Wal-Mart. Target, yes. But we thought this was a safe place.”