Joke time p. 146

A Utah man has been charged with harassing an owl while on a motorized paraglider. Well apparently what some people call “harassing” other people call “teaching owls a much-needed lesson.”

Joke time p. 145

The infamous Maine nurse has defied her Ebola quarantine order by going on a bike ride. Well, we’ve done it, America. We are now a place where civil disobedience is just going outdoors for a few minutes.

Joke time p. 144

A river of slow-moving lava could destroy dozens of homes on Hawaii’s Big Island in the coming days. But I mean, who would have ever guessed that homes on an island literally created entirely by lava could ever be in this crazy predicament?

Joke time p. 143

A British woman underwent a radical new surgery where her foot was attached backward to replace her lost knee after having her lower leg amputated. While she is doing fine in recovery, the guy who just discovered that “this is kind of my thing, sexually” is having more difficulty adjusting to his new reality.

Joke time p. 142

Representative Bob Goodlatte (R-VA) claims that the Obama administration is exploring plans to bring non-U.S. citizens infected with Ebola to America for treatment. Which really makes you think, just how white were Goodlatte’s ancestors that they ended up with that name?

Joke time p. 141

Photos of Americans wearing Ray Rice Halloween costumes, oftentimes dragging a doll symbolizing his wife and domestic abuse victim Janay Rice, have steadily been surfacing. When reached for comment, an ISIS spokesman said “Oh my. Really? That’s…that’s just over the line. Even by our standards.”

Joke time p. 140

Oprah Winfrey was reportedly horrified when the driver of her SUV ran over a woman’s foot in Miami. Yeah, and she was so horrified that the woman will be getting A NEW SHOE! And A NEW FOOT! And A NEW CAR! And A NEW HOUSE! And A NEW VACATION HOUSE! And A NEW SHOW ON … More Joke time p. 140

Joke time p. 139

Today marks the 110th birthday of the New York City subway system. The MTA says that while they’re not expecting any gifts, “More mariachi bands would be nice. Like maybe we could have a mariachi band for every car on every train? That would be cool.”

Joke time p. 138

A California man claims he was denied a job in the medical industry because of his neck and arm tattoos. The company in question says that they had no problem with most of his ink, but that the I HAVE EBOLA one really made their decision for them.