Yankees great Derek Jeter got a surprise visit from former President George W. Bush this week, thus proving that George Bush DOES care about half-black people.
Donald Trump will reportedly sell his casinos if his bid to buy the Buffalo Bills football team is accepted. When asked about it, he said he’s just “looking for a whole new pool of employees to fire.”
Longtime Los Angeles Dodgers announcer Vin Scully will return for a record-breaking 66th season in the booth next year. For their part, the Dodgers have already started apologizing in advance to everyone for everything the 86-year-old will say.
The singer Chubby Checker has settled a lawsuit with tech company HP after he accused them of using his trademarked name without permission on their penis-measuring app. The biggest surprise from the court proceedings? That HP actually stands for huge penis.
The jihadist group ISIS has destroyed a 14th century mosque in Iraq. But in their defense, everyone knows the 14th century was, like, the shittiest century when it comes to Islamic architecture.
The UN’s human rights chief has said that the downing of the Malaysia Airlines jet in Ukraine may be a war crime. This of course means that no punishment will happen to anyone who actually played a part in the aforementioned war crime.
A man in China went to the doctor for stomach cramps and learned that they were actually period pains and that he was actually a woman. He reportedly said this was the most shocked he’d ever been – except for when he gave birth that one time.
A river In China mysteriously turned completely red overnight. Witnesses reported seeing the Kool-Aid Man upstream, clutching a gunshot wound and exclaiming “Oh, noooooo!”
Audience members at a British comedy club weren’t laughing when hordes of maggots started falling from the ceiling during a show. Back up? Maggots are trying comedy now? God. Everyone’s jumping on the bandwagon.
A picture of an iceberg in Canada has gone viral due to its striking resemblance to Batman. Beyond the obvious physical similarities, it’s even more of a crazy coincidence because the iceberg also lost its parents.