Joke time p. 310

A Turkish man has been extradited to the U.S. to face charges for three cyberattacks that resulted in $55 million in losses to the global financial system. He will most likely begin consulting for the FBI as part of a plea deal, which a cable network will probably base a very successful show off of which I will probably watch and love.

Joke time p. 309

The lawyer who led an unsuccessful fight to block a California school district from teaching yoga – for promoting Hinduism and inhibiting Christianity – says no appeal is planned. Once again, the Hindus have proven themselves to be untouchable in modern-day America.

Joke time p. 308

A cell tower on the roof of a Maine high school is undergoing tests after fish have started to inexplicably die in a science classroom. Authorities say the likelihood of an actual link is remote, and that it’s much more likely that “that weird Trevor kid is to blame.”