Missouri’s governor is expected to soon sign dairy industry legislation into law. The bill has been nicknamed the Affordable Cow Act, but that’s enough about your mom.
Thailand’s military government has warned women against taking underboob selfies, with a spokesman saying they’d be more than happy to lend a hand and take the photo for them.
VFX artists added in pubic hair during post-production for Fifty Shades of Grey. Meaning that at least one person’s claim to fame will be that they “did fake pubes for Don Johnson’s kid.”
Taco Bell is now serving deep-fried donut holes filled with milk icing in certain test markets. “Our team toiled for years to make beef incompatible with the human body. Milk is just the obvious next animal protein to make completely toxic to our insides. And we couldn’t be more thrilled about the challenge,” said CEO Tubs “Diabetes” McGee.
The Pittsburgh Pirates baseball team called the photo of ‘Jihadi John’ wearing their iconic hat “absolutely sickening.” Adding, “we’re confused as to why someone with sadistic tendencies would be drawn to an organization who named themselves after a group of people with sadistic tendencies.”
Padge-Victoria Windslowe, known as “the Michelangelo of buttocks injections,” is currently on trial for killing a 20-year-old after a botched illegal medical procedure. The biggest thing learned by jurors this week? Her nickname isn’t in reference to the old master, but actually to the ninja turtle.
Researchers in China have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times bigger than the sun. But enough about my crippling self-doubt.