A Romanian princess has been sentenced to probation for running an illegal cockfighting ring in rural Oregon. So now when your daughter says she wants to be a princess when she grows up you need to drill down a bit more on what her actual motivations are.
Thanks to a typo in the official court transcript, a prisoner who shot a police officer will be freed early from his 15-year sentence. Maybe I’m too forgiving, but only one typo in a 15-year-long sentence seems pretty good to me.
The Queen of England sent her first ever tweet today. It read: “It is a pleasure to open the Information Age exhibition today at the @ScienceMuseum and I hope people will enjoy visiting. Elizabeth R.”
But I think it may have been her second tweet that showed more of her personality, as it just said “Grinding for 63 years. Ur welcome. #BossBitch”.
A European spacecraft orbiting a distant comet has discovered that the comet has a very bad odor. And being that these are Europeans saying this, you know it must smell really bad.
Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper has said that the deadly events in Ottawa were a “terrorist” attack. While it was horrifying, I also think it was a bit too on-the-nose when he called it “Canada’s own Nine Eh-leven.”
Ben Bradlee, the legendary editor of The Washington Post, died yesterday at the age of 93. He is survived by print newspapers, which honestly no one saw coming at all.
NBA veteran Amar’e Stoudemire says he’s very optimistic about the New York Knicks’ upcoming season, saying “I feel like I’m 19 again.” Which of course means he’s broke, late for class and very fucking confused about his sexuality.