VFX artists added in pubic hair during post-production for Fifty Shades of Grey. Meaning that at least one person’s claim to fame will be that they “did fake pubes for Don Johnson’s kid.”
Taco Bell is now serving deep-fried donut holes filled with milk icing in certain test markets. “Our team toiled for years to make beef incompatible with the human body. Milk is just the obvious next animal protein to make completely toxic to our insides. And we couldn’t be more thrilled about the challenge,” said CEO Tubs “Diabetes” McGee.
The Pittsburgh Pirates baseball team called the photo of ‘Jihadi John’ wearing their iconic hat “absolutely sickening.” Adding, “we’re confused as to why someone with sadistic tendencies would be drawn to an organization who named themselves after a group of people with sadistic tendencies.”
Padge-Victoria Windslowe, known as “the Michelangelo of buttocks injections,” is currently on trial for killing a 20-year-old after a botched illegal medical procedure. The biggest thing learned by jurors this week? Her nickname isn’t in reference to the old master, but actually to the ninja turtle.
Researchers in China have discovered a black hole that is 12 billion times bigger than the sun. But enough about my crippling self-doubt.
A vial of Winston Churchill’s blood will soon be sold at a London auction house. Answering the age-old question about what to get the conservative vampire who already has everything.
The federal government is currently hiring doctors to help monitor suspected smugglers’ bowel movements at major airports. Looking at poop all day? Working at an airport? And they said med school wouldn’t pay off!